


Let Hanzo Eat Cake

by acrxphxbia



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Decisions, Humor, M/M, No potted plants were harmed in the making of this fic, Violence because a potted plant was thrown, based of a tweet, on Jesse’s part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrxphxbia/pseuds/acrxphxbia
Summary: “Good news is that I love you very much.”“What did you fucking do.”





	Let Hanzo Eat Cake

Hanzo Shimada was pissed. 

“We need you to check out this warehouse,” Winston said. “Sources indicate it might be a hotbed of Talon activity,” he said.

_Bullshit._

Hanzo and Lucio were sent to the favelas of Rio to stare at a damn warehouse 24/7. For three weeks, he endured the sweltering summer heat, more than a few curious rats, and Lucio’s nearly unbearable chipper attitude. And what did they have to show for it?

Zero. Zilch. Zip. Absolutely nothing. 

With the mission a bust, they packed up and left for Gibraltar. In the Orca, Lucio was taking the time to get some well needed rest. Hanzo, on the other hand, spent his time brooding. He still couldn’t believe how much time he wasted on that recon mission. Three weeks in Rio meant three weeks away from his brother, his new family, and Jesse. That time could’ve been better spent investigating legitimate reports of Talon, but instead he was sent on a recon mission doomed from the start. 

The transport jostled as it hit some turbulence. The unexpected movement made Hanzo slam his head against the metal wall. He cursed and hissed at the pain radiating from the back of his skull. Even Lucio winced as Lena shouted a quick apology from the cockpit. 

_Great._

He rubbed the growing bump on his head and fought back to urge to bark something rude at Lena. Hanzo took a deep breath. Maybe centering himself would help push past his pent-up frustrations. He exhaled, feeling the tension in his body leave. Eventually, he could feel his anger morph into a sense of comfort, a realization that even if the mission wasn’t a success, there was still someone waiting patiently for his return. 

There was also that large slice of strawberry shortcake waiting for him in the fridge and Hanzo was very excited for that.

—————————————

The moment he stepped out of the transport, Hanzo was scooped up by Jesse McCree into a tight hug, professional cowboy extraordinaire.

Hanzo wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, burying his face into the crook of Jesse’s neck. He inhaled the familiar scent of tobacco and chocolate. The scratch of Jesse’s unkempt beard rubbed against his own. 

Home sweet home. 

“Oi!” 

Hanzo felt someone poke against his side. He looked over to see Lena standing beside them, hands on her hips. He tried to ignore her, tightening his grip of Jesse. Couldn’t she see they're having a moment? 

“No snogging on my ship!” Lena commanded. “That privilege is reserved for me and Emily,” she added, muttering. 

Hanzo scoffed and responded by flipping her off while Lena stuck out her tongue. 

Jesse chuckled — oh, how Hanzo realized that he had missed that sound — and told him to play nice. Hanzo reluctantly complied, but not before making a face at Lena to which she responded in kind. 

Jesse laughed again. Giving Hanzo’s side a quick pat, he said, “Alright, pumpkin. Ya heard the lady.”

“Ugh. _Fine_ ,” said Hanzo. 

Groaning in effort, they both got up and made their way to their shared room, hands intertwined.Jesse rubbed a finger against the back of Hanzo’s hand, the fingertips barely brushing against where the glorious dragon tattoo ended.

“I missed you something awful, sweetheart,” he said. He brought Hanzo’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. “Welcome home.”

Hanzo smiled. “It’s good to be home.”

They were finally nearing the kitchen, the smell of roasted meat and freshly baked bread filled the air and Hanzo realized just how hungry he was. Hanzo gasped. His cake! Finally, he could have his cake. 

“Oh, Jesse, wait,” Hanzo said, stopping suddenly. “I want to grab something from the fridge. I’m famished and I deserve that cake.” He turned away just as he heard Jesse breathe in sharply. 

Hanzo whipped his head around to find Jesse nervously scratching his beard and chewing on his lower lip. He watched as Jesse opened and closed his mouth several times. It was as if he was running through different scenarios in his head, his gaze constantly shifting from Hanzo to the fridge to the floor and then back to Hanzo. Hanzo was on the verge of giving up and heading to the kitchen anyway when Jesse finally spoke. 

“Hanzo, I have good news and bad news.”

Hanzo was taken aback. Did something happen while he was gone? Why was Jesse looking at him like that?

Hanzo took a deep breath. “Okay?”

Jesse put on his best casual lopsided grin. “Good news is that I love you very much.”

“What did you fucking do.”

Hearing Hanzo’s deadpan response, Jesse took a step back. “Well, Han,” he began. “While you were gone, I was feeling a little downs in the dumps, y’know?” He took another step back. “I just missed you so much so I tried to distract myself. Kept myself busy and such. I trained a bunch, played games with Hana, accidentlyatethecakeyouweresaving, even tried to do some of that meditation stuff with Genji and Zen—“

“You did _WHAT?_ ”

Hanzo’s shout reverberated down the hall and in the kitchen. Jesse stilled and out of the corner of his eye, watched as Reinhardt tried to usher Bridgitte and Hana away from Hanzo’s impending wrath. Lena blinked past the pair, yelling, “Someone call Angela!” 

“I was hungry!” cried Jesse. He lifted his hat and ran his hand through his hair. “I wanted something sweet and I saw the cake and it was so good and then Satya came in and said that it was your cake and then I felt bad and _then_ she told me it was a slice from the one you got in Japan and—” 

“Jesse James McCree, you’ve yee’d your last haw!”

“Ah, shit.”

Jesse booked it down the hall and managed to avoid a flying potted plant. He could hear the ceramic pot shatter behind him. He made a mental note to apologize to Bastion later. 

Rounding a tight corner, he ran straight into Angela who was already carrying her caduceus staff. 

Jesse placed both hands on her shoulders, almost shaking her. “Angie, I’m a lost cause. I’m as good as dead,” he lamented. “You gotta promise me that y’all will bury me back in New Mexico.” 

Angela shoved him off, her face deadly serious. “No one’s touching so much as a hair on your head if I have anything to say about it,” said said, stomping down the hallway. “Hanzo!” she called out. “I swear on my medical license if you tear this part of the base down, I’m making you pay for it with that damned yakuza blood money I know you and Genji have stashed somewhere!”

—————————————

After a proper scolding from Angela, the pair finally made it to the safety and comfort of their room. Of course, Hanzo gave Jesse the cold shoulder as he went through his post-mission routine. Jesse tried to get Hanzo to at least acknowledge him to no avail. No amount of wistful sighing, pouting or puppy dog eyes could break him.

Now, they were both sitting in bed. Hanzo pretended to read an article on his holopad as he continued to ignore Jesse. 

“Come _on_ , Hanzo,” Jesse whined, trying to push the holopad out of the way. “I already said I was sorry.”

Hanzo grunted and swatted Jesse away like an annoying fly, but that didn’t stop him from trying. 

“I really am sorry, Han.”

“Honeysuckle?” 

“Sweet potato?” 

“Darlin’? Apple of my eye? My pecan crusted punkin’ pie with whipped cream and a cherry on top?” 

Hanzo slammed his holopad onto the bed. “Oh, will you stop?!”

“I’ll take you to that new bakery in town,” said Jesse with a wink and a mischievous grin. 

Hanzo’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m as serious as a heart attack, sweetheart.” He took Hanzo’s hand into his own. “I’ll spend my month’s allowance. Buy you all the sweets you want.”

Hanzo squinted, his lips pursed as he considered Jesse’s offer. 

“I’ll even get you that expensive Black Forest cake,” Jesse added. 

Hanzo raised his eyebrows in surprise. “The one with the imported candied cherries?” he asked, clearly trying to be nonchalant. 

Jesse nodded. 

With a final look into Jesse’s pleading eyes, Hanzo sighed. “I _suppose_ I can take you up on that offer,” he said, rolling his eyes. 

Jesse whooped. “I knew you’d come around,” he said, swooping in to steal a kiss. 

Before he could get close, Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s face. He squished his cheeks with his hand and laughed at the sad face Jesse made. “I’ll fully forgive you once my belly is full of that cake you promised me.”

Jesse briefly mourned the hit to his already suffering bank account, but ultimately decided that it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another fic based of a [tweet.](https://twitter.com/vimeddiee/status/1108399114306416649?s=21)


End file.
